Yes, it's another 2 years!

 Not sure how this is happening, but two years have passed since my last post. Feels kinda planned but I swear it isn't. So....

After my last post, Liza died. On January 19, 2022. The coroner said it was arteriosclerosis but I know that had she not got Covid, she would have still been here with us. We all loved her so much....and I still can't believe that she's gone for the rest of my time. To be honest I've wrestled with guilt feelings about whether I did enough to help her. At one point, about a week before, she said yes, she would let me take her to the ER for help....but wanted to wait until she could get the knots out of her hair. She had baby fine hair like her father and it got terrible knots in it. I knew she was getting weaker and more muddled in her replies...but I didn't know what to do about it. Maybe I should have called 911 and let them deal with her....but I just couldn't do that to her. I'm crying inside all the time. She just slipped away from me....and I didn't know how or even when. Dammit, what kind of a mother am I? I have awful thoughts of how long she was dead, did she suffer or was it sudden? I don't suppose those thoughts will ever go away. Writing helps a little. But I'm still hurting a lot.

Richard and I went to London, Antwerp, Brussels & Paris in April '23 for 2 weeks. It was lovely and I wish I could walk stronger, I'd like to go to Italy. Then Madeleine came to visit in December '23 for 3 weeks and we spent one week in San Diego with the SD THompsons. Martin & Lora were great hosts and we had a fabulous time.

I adopted a new cat in December '22...Forrest. An orange kitty about 10 or 11 years old. He lived with a woman down the hall. She was a druggie/alcoholic and became a mental patient who couldn't live on her own any more. Forrest isa nice boy; he goes for walks down the hall with me each night. A big sweetie and a gentleman. So that was a good thing. Poor guy was going to end up at the Humane Shelter so I'm glad they gave me the opportunity to care for him. He was quite hungry when he got here so it took a little while to acclimate him. He's good now.

I've been feeling well except for a little depression. To be expected I think. Thats all for now. 

Two more years!

 It seems that I need two years to gather enough material to make a post to this blog. Well duh, there’s been this world wide  pandemic in case you haven’t heard, so forgive me.

A lot has happened since January 2020. Life can wear a person down yet it wasn’t all bad! We got a new President in the November elections; I think most people were happier that the old guy was gone rather than that the new guy would work well. Too many divisions in this country now. I just can’t talk about politics….so depressing! I’ll always be a Hillary Clinton fan and I’m still sad that she tried twice yet isn’t in power! Enough of that talk!

My husband died on December 21, 2020. My son was so helpful in arranging his affairs, I can’t thank him enough. At first it was a relief to not have to call him every Tuesday to get his food delivery list. He would talk for an hour and a half at least. Then, funny thing happened, I started to miss our conversations. He was not a perfect person and had many failings but I never wished him ill in any way. He loved to talk and people were attracted to him. But for circumstances he probably would have been a great politician. 😁

The odd part of December was that our old friend of 60+ years also died in December. Those two guys always told me they were going to get together, Clair actually talked about driving to Vancouver to see his old pal when I last spoke to him on December 9th. He died that night in his sleep. I didn’t know….no one called or wrote to let me know and he had a large family so who knows why. Maybe his was a death expected so they thought his friends already knew. Anyway, my husband didn’t know either so died then must have been surprised to find Clair waiting for him in the ‘afterworld’. I miss him too. He was always so kind, would ask me about each of my kids every time we spoke.

So 2019 was made up of trips to Vancouver to help RHT get junk out of his apartment, set up a weekly food delivery system and visit him when he was in hospital. It was busy and I was engaged in the action of getting him well….and keeping him that way. When the pandemic hit in early 2020, Canada closed the border to visitors and we only had phone calls. When he died, it was the holidays and the vaccine came out to control Covid in January. I kept busy with visiting friends in the building then planning a trip so the family could all get together.

Dean and I booked for August and got Martin’s family a room too at Lake Quinault. 

It was refreshing to have 4 days of visiting outdoors. Martin, Lora, Jordan, Hunter, Riley & Zachary all came in one huge crowded SUV; Dean, Asako, Bradley & Momoko drove up to Bainbridge to pick me up. Liza watched my cat. Richard drove up with Avery the second day! I loved having everyone together although it would have been completely perfect had Liza and Gabrielle come along too. But still…nice getaway!

I got my vaccines in January/February when they became available. Liza got the single shot J&J in April. Then I got a booster shot at the local pharmacy in September when it was recommended. I felt bulletproof. Then liza got sick at the end of the year when the Omicron variant came in. I had a sniffly nose and chest congestion with a slight cough. I didn’t get tested but I think I had Covid…no way to tell without a test so….who knows, maybe a cold?! Anyway, Liza is still recovering as I write this. I’m dropping off milk, juice and yogurt for her every couple of days. I thought a week in that she would die but she tells me she just can’t taste food but she’s not throwing up any more.  Good thing! I haven’t seen her for more than 2 weeks.

Not much to say because of Covid but at least I got a few paragraphs in. Happy New Year! 🥳  

Oh Lord, another 2 years have gone by....

Okay, I have to think back about what the heck has happened since February 18, 2018. It seems strange that two years can go by and I have so few memories of the passing days, months, years. Am I really that boring? Nope, I’m not.....lots has been going on, sometimes too much.

I spend a lot of time sewing clothing. I get a lot of enjoyment from reading the patterns, putting the pieces together in the right way. I do a pretty good job of it. One thing that I’m going to do better this year is pick nicer fabric, research which fabric & color will make the pattern stand out and make me feel better wearing it. I’ve found that even if I choose a nice fabric that often what I make doesn’t go with anything else I’ve made. Or maybe goes with only one other thing.

I’m not good at blogging

February’18 snowfall

Scrap “pouf”

Xmas gnome 2018

Me-Made

Pirate costume 2018

One cataract gone September 2018

Cataracts gone!

Double Wedding Ring - finally done! 2018

Gray wool pants 11/2018

Gray wool trousers

Snickerdoodles

Armie 2018

Snickerdoodles

I had cataracts removed from both eyes in September 2018 after my optometrist said it would be a good idea. Best advice I’ve ever got. No regrets!

I hadn’t put a Christmas tree up in 2016 or 2017 but I realized life had to go on and in 2018 as well as 2019, I put up my tree, unpacked my ornaments, decorated my mantel....but I didn’t feel at all festive. For some reason, my joy had gone from Christmas. I think because Laura was such a wonderful person who loved buying gifts for people, that I can’t have a Christmas without her. So, no more tree; I’ll find a different way to celebrate. It makes me feel sad when I think that I’ll never have Christmas with her ever again. So that happened! A mindset changed!

Also, past 80, so no more birthday celebrations either. Birthday parties are for the young. Birthday dinners are for us late middle-agers. I heard that term recently and really like it. I know I’m old and can’t do some things any more but I don’t feel aged. I walk pretty well, can still read and I think, hear well too. I have RA but no other advanced age disabilities. So I feel more middle-aged than elderly! Haha! I’m sure it’s all in the mind.

Unfortunately, things can change fast when you’re over 80. My husband, Richard, lost his ‘significant other’ in April 2019 and within a month, he too was hospitalized with 4 blockages in his heart and also a blockage by his prostate. He went to the hospital bleeding profusely in June and a bag to collect his urine was attached to his leg. He was released from hospital after 3 weeks and a nurse comes daily to change the bag & to check on him since. My sons and I have been trying to get him comfortably settled with home food delivery. We make frequent visits and phone calls. He’s gone back into the hospital a couple of times since September because he finds blood in his urine. They wanted him to gain some weight before he could be operated on but they’ve moved the operation up to early March. Hopefully his heart will survive an operation. 

My oldest grandson, Dylan, married Theresa in December 2019. Their wedding was in Sequoia National Park and it snowed beautifully while we were there. Lovely wedding, beautiful bride, friendly folks.....perfection! Dean & Asako were kind enough to make my flight and accommodations happen and I enjoyed being in California so much.

Madeleine moved to the Island in March 2018, worked and saved enough money to spend a month in Europe. She moved to Ottawa to attend school in October 2019. She is missed.

So that’s my two year update. Hopefully it won’t be as long before I write again. I love reading my blog. 🥰

Two years later.....

Yes, I know it's been longer than 2 years but close enough. This has turned into a blog for me to look back on periodically so I guess it's good to show me the progress in my life. Lots of changes have happened since 2015.

Jaik had died in August of 2015 but i still had Jules, his brother. In June 2016, I took Jules to the vet because he was chewing on his toe on his back foot. I thought he had a stone or something caught in  there. Turns out Jules had cancer and was euthanized the same day. Very traumatic for me after having cats for 9 - 10 years, then none.

Laura's ovarian cancer tumors returned with a vengeance in March of 2016 and grew so large that by June, they prevented her from eating/digesting food. She could keep a little water down but nothing more. She went into hospice care and a nurse came every week to check on her; I'm not going to go into details about hospice care but suffice it to say that I would NEVER agree to that again!! I moved into my daughter's house to look after her. On September 30th, she begged to be taken to the hospital to be "put to sleep" but she died there within hours of arriving. My poor baby! How she suffered and there was nothing I could do to help her. I have her ashes still on my mantel but intend soon to scatter them at the beach where she liked to walk her dogs. Honestly, I will never recover from watching her struggle in her last months of life.....I think of her every, single day.

Life goes on though....I adopted two kitties from our local rescue organization in January of 2017 and I get happiness from looking after them. They both have asthma and wheeze a lot. I'm not sure how long they'll be with me but they will be my last kitties. And at least they're not stuck in little cages which is where I found them. I did a good deed. Now they have my tiny apartment to roam around in and they get to go on the balcony to watch birds, which delights them.

I've been pretty depressed, not sure if it's because of the losses in my life or whether the incompetent and mean president is making me depressed. Seems like there's no good in the world any more. Hmmmph, well that's a terrible way to end this post but I'm still hopeful that something good will happen......
P

Almost New Year!

So, it seems I'm a random 'whenever I think about it' kind of blogger. I've been so stressed out what with the holiday season and demands on my time. Basically, I never say no to anything. I usually think that I don't have an unlimited time left to live so I should make the most of it. Yet there's nothing I like better than my cozy armchair and a good TV movie...or interesting book!

I really must find a better blog site. When I try to pull up to post a picture all that shows up are 3 photos from 2012. Odd...and annoying!

Can't get pictures to post.....grrrr!

Hi - the worlds worst blogger returns. I made a comment on someone's blog, clicked on my icon and voíla, I realized that I had left this blog hanging more than a year ago and that a quick catchup was in order.

My dd decided that chemo treatments were killing her and is following an alternative plan from a Chinese herbalist/acupuncturist. Lest you think chemo is a lifesaver as many do, my dd seems better and has had no problems to speak of...none; she has to go into SCCA to have a ct-scan in the next few weeks and it's caused some 'scanxiety'. It's a 'you gotta know' but 'you don't wanna go' kind of situation. Personally, I don't see the reason for the scan if not opting for chemo....wait until something happens, then go have it done to find out what's wrong. But don't make trouble where there's none. JMO

Jaik and Jules, my kitty brothers, both have had their health problems....Jaik lost his fight in August and I miss him so much. He was my favorite little dude even though I know that I shouldn't have favorites with pets. He had an alpha personality and I swear he could communicate what he wanted. I loved him and I love him still. RIP

I have done almost no quilting for 3 years. The quilt on my display wall when I got the call that my dd had collapsed at home was still on my wall up until last week. I said that I would finish it when she was well, and I think she is.....so I am finishing the quilt! The top is almost complete. YAY

Another Chemo!

I've come to understand that the body becomes used to the drugs used in various chemotherapy treatments. Laura has had carbo/taxol, Tamoxifen (in pill form) and now is being treated with Doxil/Taxol. Tamoxifen didn't lower her CA125 levels nor did it stop her tumors from growing so that's why she is currently getting monthly Doxil/Taxol, hoping that it will get her back into remission. She was diagnosed with OVCa stage 4 in January 2013 and has only been off chemotherapy from September until March 2014, which sounds like a long time but her tumors were growing in January 2014 but her doctor didn't want to start chemo until March. Quality of life is very important for people being treated. Quality of life goes down when you're in treatment. Laura hasn't been able to take advantage of much 'down time' since she was diagnosed. One trip to San Francisco last September was it.

One of her brothers lives here and spends a lot of time with her. Her sister lives with her and makes sure she has no house-cleaning to do including changing bed linens & washing sheets, blankets and comforters. Both brothers, one who lives in San Diego, CA and one who lives in San Francisco, CA, have both come down to visit her with their families. Laura is particularly close to her nieces and nephews; she has no children of her own.

Laura is tired and watches tv a lot but she still goes to work 4 hours a day even though her feet are killing her because of the neuropathy. I know she loves her job and doesn't want to sit around doing nothing all day but it brings tears to my eyes to think that, as strong as she is, she may not beat this monster that is growing inside her. :'(