Anger & Some Bewilderment

I had a friend for almost 10 years....I thought. Turns out I didn't. I don't know what exactly happened; maybe it was something I did or said and that's where the bewilderment comes in. All of a sudden, there was absolutely no replies to messages, no "likes" on Facebook....just silence. It was very obvious very quickly that my friend wanted nothing to do with anything I did or said, but strangely no explanation. This from a person who would write long, detailed emails to me about the most private parts of her life. Was she using me all those years? 

When my daughter was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she then had to relate to me on a much deeper level, was it too much for her? Could she no longer discuss her problems because mine made hers seem lightweight? I suppose I can relate to that. Everything must seem immaterial compared to a potential death of a child. How can we have a lighthearted chat about life when one of the participants in the 'back and forth' is facing such a horrific event?

For those who have never had to face up to something like that, it is something I think about often during my day because I don't know how I can face life without one of my children but it also makes me consider my own future. At times, I hope I'm gone long before Laura and other times, I want to be here for her sisters and brothers who are going to have a rough time. I know what I went through when each of my brothers passed away....it is a time for reflection and a good time to have someone to talk to. I would like to be here to comfort them.

But there are many new treatments on the horizon and I'm hoping Laura will stay healthy, keep her tumors at bay, and will be able to take advantage of one of the new immunotherapy trials which will give her a very long life. 

But I honestly never thought my friends would desert me while I go through one of the scariest times of my life. I suppose it's human nature to wonder what would make someone do that but on the other hand, what in the world is there for anyone to say, huh? Life is short; look after your own self. I guess.

Happy Valentine's Day!

:'-((